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Showing posts with label sadness. Show all posts
Showing posts with label sadness. Show all posts

Tuesday, September 3, 2019

What God Says to Your Tears




Article by
Scott Hubbard
Editor, desiringGod.org


For centuries, Christians have called this world a “valley of tears.”

Yes, Christ has come. Yes, he is risen. And yes, he will come again. But still we mourn and ache and weep — and walk alongside those who mourn and ache and weep. We plod through the valley with hearts heavy laden, grieving for any one of a thousand reasons: our depressed children, our distant spouses, our dashed hopes, our deceased loved ones, our ruinous sin.
“The God of all comfort keeps watch over your weeping.”

Sometimes, we cry because life’s sorrows have become chronic, filling our life like unwelcome houseguests who just won’t leave. Other times, we cry because some unexpected misery lands like a meteor and carves a crater in our soul. And still other times, we cry and don’t know quite why; the grief evades description and analysis.

To such mourners, the Bible’s message is not to dry up your tears. No, the Bible says weeping is typical of life in the valley, and its message to mourners is much more sympathetic — and much more steadying.
“I See Them”

Not one sparrow falls to the ground apart from God’s notice (Matthew 10:29), and neither does one of your tears.

When Hagar lifted up her voice in the wilderness of Beersheba, God drew near (Genesis 21:17). When Hannah wept bitterly outside the temple of the Lord, God noticed and remembered (1 Samuel 1:10, 17). When David became weary with moaning, God didn’t become weary with listening (Psalm 6:6–9).

The God of all comfort keeps watch over your weeping. He gathers up all your tears and puts them in his bottle (Psalm 56:8). Like a mother sitting beside her child’s sickbed, God marks every sigh of discomfort and pain. No matter how much of your anguish has gone unnoticed by others, not one moment has escaped the attention of the God who neither slumbers nor sleeps (Psalm 121:4).

As God says to King Hezekiah, so he could say to each of his children, “I have heard your prayer; I have seen your tears” (2 Kings 20:5).
“I Care About Them”

Many of us feel ashamed of our tears, especially if others see them. In a culture that prizes strength and grows uncomfortable with prolonged grieving, many of us respond to our own tears with a hasty wipe of the sleeve and a quick “Get over it.”

Not so with God, whose fatherly compassion compels him to draw near to the brokenhearted and bind up their wounds (Psalm 147:3). The God who said, “Blessed are you who weep now” (Luke 6:21) will not reproach you for the tears you shed as you walk through the ruins of our broken world.
“God will not reproach you for the tears you shed as you walk through the ruins of our broken world.”

When Jesus joined a crowd outside the town of Nain and watched a widow weep over her son’s body, “he had compassion on her” (Luke 7:13). Later, when Mary fell apart at Jesus’s feet over the death of her brother, the man of sorrows went one step further: “Jesus wept” (John 11:35). Jesus had compassion, and Jesus wept — even though Jesus was about to speak the word to snatch them both back from death (Luke 7:14; John 11:43).

Just because Jesus loves us and knows how to fix our problems doesn’t mean he takes a shortcut through our grief. The same one who raises the dead first stops to linger with us in our sorrow — to climb down into our valley of tears and walk alongside us.

To be sure, not all tears awaken our Lord’s compassion. God has little patience when we weep in misery over the idols he removes from us, as when Israel preferred Egypt’s meat to God’s presence (Numbers 11:4–10). But every tear you shed in faith — shattered but trusting, gutted but believing — has this banner hanging over it: “The Lord is near to the brokenhearted” (Psalm 34:18).
“I Will Turn Them into Shouts of Joy”

A few hours before Jesus was betrayed, tried, beaten, and crucified, he told his disciples, “Truly, truly, I say to you, you will weep and lament, but the world will rejoice. You will be sorrowful, but your sorrow will turn into joy” (John 16:20). Sorrow and sighing will flee. Tears will dry up. Grief will lose its grip. So it was for Jesus’s disciples, when a resurrection sunrise scattered the shadows from their hearts. And so it is for every child of God.

Every tear you shed is preparing for you “an eternal weight of glory beyond all comparison” (2 Corinthians 4:17). Every drop of agony and heartache sinks down into the ground like a seed, waiting to sprout up into an oak of laughter.
“The same one who raises the dead stops to linger with us in our sorrow, to climb down into our valley of tears.”

Maybe that sounds impossible. Maybe you wonder, “How could this sorrow, this heartache, this grief ever give way to joy?” That’s alright if you can’t understand the howright now. God’s ways are often too high and too marvelous for us to grasp. But can you believe — in hope against hope — that what is impossible with man is possible with God (Luke 18:27; Romans 4:18)?

Believing that God will turn our tears into shouts of joy does not mean that we no longer grieve. But it does mean that we cling to him through the pain, and let every calamity crash us into his arms. And that we learn to lament to God instead of curse his name.

We’ll keep reading our Bibles, even when we feel dead to God’s word. We’ll keep on crying out to God, even when he feels deaf to us. We’ll keep on gathering with God’s people, even when they don’t understand what we’re going through. We’ll keep on serving others, even while we carry our sorrow wherever we go. And we’ll keep on sowing the seeds of truth and grace into our barren souls, waiting for the day when God takes us home.
“I Will Wipe Them All Away”

As Andrew Peterson sings in “After the Last Tear Falls,”

In the end, . . .
We’ll see how the tears that have fallen
Were caught in the palms of the Giver of love and the Lover of all.
And we’ll look back on these tears as old tales.

Our weeping may tarry for a long, long night. As long as we journey through this valley, we will be vulnerable to the assaults of loss and disappointment and death. But joy will come in the morning, when God turns this valley of tears into a city of everlasting joy.
“God will turn this valley of tears into a city of everlasting joy.”

In that day, God himself will stoop down to each of his grieving children and — somehow, someway — he will dry up tears forever. “He will wipe away every tear from their eyes, and death shall be no more, neither shall there be mourning, nor crying, nor pain anymore, for the former things have passed away” (Revelation 21:4).

And then your cracked and weary voice will swell to a shout as you testify with heaven’s multitudes, “You have delivered my soul from death, my eyes from tears, my feet from stumbling; I will walk before the Lord in the land of the living” (Psalm 116:8–9).

And in a moment, tears will become the stuff of old tales.

Monday, May 5, 2014

Intellect vs. Emotion

Growing up the child of a controlling mother, certain emotions were something frowned upon and discouraged.  If she could have gotten into her children's heads she would have scrubbed them clean of any disparaging thoughts or rebellious interludes.  In fact, opinions that differed from hers were not even tolerated.  Perhaps emotions such as peace, happiness and joy were allowed, but the funny thing is, when a person is robbed of the full gamut of emotions, even those elevated as superior will begin to fade and diminish - either stuffed down inside or replaced with depression and/or despair.  Every emotion we can name is supposed to be present in our human beings.  Of course because of the fall that was ruined, but certainly we should not continue down that road by disavowing the existence and usefulness of certain emotions either.

From The Gift of Anger by Carroll Saussy:

When beliefs about emotions are embedded in dualistic thinking, the emphasis shifts to separations rather than intimate connection between one value and another. 

Instead of emphasizing that thought and emotion can be the best of intimate partners, dualistic thinking implies that they are separate and competing.  The insinuation is that being rational and objective requires following rules and standards; being emotional and subjective means running wild.  However, the unavoidable truth is that thought and feeling are so mutually wedded that there is no thought without feeling tones, no feeling that is mindless.

Dualistic thinking shapes religious teaching about the emotions, and with it, parental injunctions about their expression.  Most people have been taught that emotions are to be under the control of the mind - if not the mind, then the will - but in either case one should be able to control those unruly troublemakers, especially anger, fear, sadness, hatred, and depression.

Nico Frijda in The Law of Situational Meaning says: "Emotions arise in response to the meaning structures of given situations; different emotions arise in response to different meaning structures."

Thought and feeling are not to be separated.  Because a person holds certain thoughts or assessments regarding a particular person or value (and those thoughts are laden with feeling), she or he experiences certain emotions when that person or value is present, other emotions when the person is absent, and still different emotions when the value is secure from when it is endangered. 

Frijda uses the analogy of the pianist, saying that experience "appraised in terms of their meanings are the emotional piano player's finger strokes; available modes of action readiness are the keys that are tapped; changes in action readiness are the tones brought forth."


This struck a chord in me (no pun intended) as I thought back to my childhood.  I started piano at the age of six and very quickly became a pretty good pianist, receiving a perfect score at my first National Piano Playing Auditions in Washington D.C.  I loved playing piano for probably several different reasons but the one that comes to mind after reading the above is that I could use ALL my emotions while playing.  It was probably the only time I was allowed, no encouraged, to let go and experience my feelings in their fullness.  And I did.  Sadness, joy, anger, sorrow all came flowing out of my little fingers.  It was euphoric and liberating.  It brought me in touch with my emotions and allowed me to validate them in a way my controlling parent prohibited.  Wouldn't it be equally liberating to have this experience in our daily lives?

Frequently we hear "Don't get emotional" being tossed at women as a way of putting down their powerful reactions, almost always with the implication that clear thinking is trustworthy (and masculine); strong feeling, suspicious (and feminine or perhaps the characteristic of an unmanly man, out of control").  James and Evelyn Whitehead, Shadows of the Heart: A Spirituality of the Negative Emotions

Trust and cherish the whole gamut of emotions, no matter how troublesome they can be at times. I developed a passionate dedication to helping others believe in their emotions as messages from their "true selves."

Can it be that when feelings/emotions are combined WITH logic/intellect followed by deep immersion in Godly prayer there will be the potential for the most powerful witness we can be blessed to behold?  That we are created to combine emotion and intellect, not separate them, and when we align our will with that of the Lord's, we will be able to achieve all things in His name.


I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me.
Philippians 4:13