Colossians 4:5-6

During these times of unrest, civil disobedience, pandemic, economic downfall, etc. I find myself vacillating between discouragement, compassion, anger, fear, contempt and concern. 

I remember that I am not an American first. Nor am I a conservative or a liberal or a mom or a wife first. I am a child of God - first and foremost. My view of this world, this country, my community and my church should be through the eyes of Jesus, not my own. 

And so I turn to God's word to figure out how He would have me behave, especially toward unbelievers. So much richness and wisdom to be found there. I remember how He has told us to ask for wisdom and He will give it to us. Here's a good article that I believe encompasses the scriptures I found.

Proper conduct towards unbelievers

by Matt Slick
12/01/08

"Be wise in the way you act toward outsiders; make the most of every opportunity. 6Let your conversation be always full of grace, seasoned with salt, so that you may know how to answer everyone," Col. 4:5-6(NIV)

How do you behave with and toward unbelievers? Do you like them? Do you hate them? Do you tolerate them? Are you concerned about their salvation? Do you act like them when you aren't in Christian company? Do you snub them if they aren't holy? Some Christians think that being kind to unbelievers is like throwing pearls before swine. Then there are Christians who stand on street corners, in malls, and in front of abortion clinics to witness to unbelievers. Others just don't care one way or another. Where do you fit in? Do you share your faith using hugs or headlocks? Honey or a hammer? Or do you even share your faith at all?

The Word of God is very specific about how you as a Christian are to conduct yourself toward the non-Christian. Turn with me to Col. 4:5-6 and we will read together what God wants you, as a Christian, to do.

The literal translation of Col. 4:5-6 is

In wisdom, walk toward the ones outside, redeeming the time. Let your word be always in grace, having been seasoned with salt, to know how it is necessary for each one of you to answer.

1. God wants you to conduct yourselves with wisdom toward unbelievers, v. 5
   1. First of all, before anything else is said, we need to focus on something very important: the cross of Christ.
      1. It is because of the cross and our redemption found there that we are able to seek to be wise and good towards unbelievers.
      2. The sacrifice of Christ has cleansed us from our sins, forgiven us our trespasses, and enabled us to be gracious and kind by changing us. As we were once against God in our unbelief, God was gracious and kind to us. Because of Jesus we are to be kind to others.
   2. Literally, the Greek says to "walk in wisdom toward outsiders."
      1. To the Jew every non-Jew was an outsider. To the Christian, every non-Christian is an outsider; that is, outside the church. Outside of a relationship with the Lord Jesus.
      2. The context of the church: "In the days of the early church believers were often slandered by these outsiders. Christians were called atheists because they served no visible gods, unpatriotic because they did not burn incense before the image of the emperor, and immoral because, of necessity, they would often meet behind locked doors."
      3. Today there is still an attack on the church. Christians are called bigots because they condemn homosexuality, intolerant because they oppose abortion, religious extremists because they condemn sin, and narrow-minded because they believe there is one "one faith, one Lord, and one baptism" (Eph. 4:5).
      4. Yet, in spite of these attacks we are to remain humble, loving, caring, kind, and gentle. If we are not, if we do not show love and forbearance in the face of cruelty, insult, intolerance, and ridicule, then you are not showing the world that we know Jesus?
   3. That is why it is so important to have wise conduct before unbelievers.
      1. One reason is so you aren't made a fool.
      2. The reputation of the gospel depends on you.
      3. The world judges Christianity by what it sees in you.
         1. 1. Are you representing it well with kindness, holiness, consistent reverence to the Lord?
      4. Also, unfortunately, the world judges Christianity by what it sees on television where lies about Christians and Christianity are broadcast as the pagans version of the "gospel truth." All the more reason to live holy lives.
         1. 1. I remember years ago watching Miami vice. It opened with two Christians preaching. There was this bad guy who tripped and fell at the feet of two "Christians" who had Bibles and had been preaching. When the bad guy fell at their feet, the Christians started hitting him with their Bibles, kicking him, and yelling mean things at him.
            2. On another show, "Renegade" there was coffee house scene where a Christian couple behaved rudely, bigoted, cowardly, and stupid.
      5. Nevertheless, in spite of the insults, you are to be wise.
   4. God wants your conduct to be with wisdom. This conduct is your manner of behavior. This means you are to be
      1. sympathetic (this could be in counseling, listening, etc.)
      2. compassionate and humble (1 Pet. 3:8).
         1. "To sum up, let all be harmonious, sympathetic, brotherly, kindhearted, and humble in spirit;"
      3. loving
         1. "Don't repay evil for evil, or insult with insult, but with blessing repay the evil cast at you" (1 Pet. 3:9).
      4. patient - you are to be considerate and longsuffering with the unbeliever.
      5. know when not to speak
         1. That is often one of the hardest things to do. It is so often the best thing to simply listen to a person and wait for a better opportunity.
      6. If your conduct is indeed with wisdom, then the name of Christ will not be maligned.
         1. The unbeliever will have no basis to mock Christ, His church, or His people.
         2. And, he may be brought into the fold of Christ.
2. God wants you to make the most of the opportunity with unbelievers, v. 5
   1. Literally, the Greek says "redeeming the time," or "buying up the opportunity." The sense then would be "Do not just sit there and wait for opportunity to fall into your lap, but go after it. Yes, buy it."
   2. There is definitely a time to be aggressive in your relationship with an unbeliever.
   3. I would hope that as Christians you would not become complacent about evangelism. God uses the Gospel to call His people out of the world.
   4. The time is short and the world is evil: Ephesians 5:15-17 says, "Be very careful, then, how you live -- not as unwise but as wise, 16making the most of every opportunity, because the days are evil. 17Therefore do not be foolish, but understand what the Lord's will is."
3. God wants you to let your speech to always be gracious with unbelievers, v. 6
   1. Paul is asking the Colossians to be careful with their tongues.
      1. Careful when they speak in public and private, no gossip.
      2. Careful when they speak to an equal or someone in power, no slander.
      3. Careful when they speak to the poor and the rich, no favoritism.
      4. Careful not only when speaking of the gospel but also when speaking of the weather, the economy, politicians, the authorities.
         1. In all your conversation be good.
   2. Gracious: God wants you to be careful, gracious, kind in your speech.
      1. Grace is getting what you do not deserve. Give them kindness, love, compassion, and patience.
   3. And note the word "always."
      1. In all situations at all times.
         1. playing a sport, watching a movie, driving, shopping, business, in church, out of church, at work....
   4. Being gracious means to be kind, gentle, positive, helpful, and insightful.
   5. A further description of this kind of gracious speech is: seasoned with salt, v. 6.
      1. Those whom the Lord calls "the salt of the earth" (Matt. 5:13) must not be tasteless.
      2. I work at a place where all the people around me are unbelievers. Their conversations are often vile, crass, filled with not so clean jokes. All to get that sense of belonging and being "in" with the rest of the group..
      3. Don't be like the ungodly around you.
      4. Salt prevents corruption.
         1. Elsewhere Paul said, "Do not let any corrupt talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen" (Eph. 4:29).
4. God wants you to know how to answer everyone, v. 6.
   1. Speak the right word and the right time to the right person.
      1. 1 Pet. 3:15 says, "But in your hearts set apart Christ as Lord. Always be prepared to give an answer to everyone who asks you to give the reason for the hope that you have. But do this with gentleness and respect."
   2. Part of having answers means being wise.
      1. Proverbs, as well as the rest of Scripture, is the only source of true wisdom. With wisdom, you will be able to properly answer in times of counseling and heartache, joy and sorrow, and in times when morality is an issue.
   3. Part of having answers means knowing doctrine.
      1. The Catechisms are excellent teachers of doctrine.
      2. Know the doctrine of the Trinity, the deity of Christ and of the Holy Spirit, the gospel message, the resurrection, the return of Christ, and the rest of what the Bible teaches.
   4. Part of having answers means studying difficult issues.
      1. Study evolution, cults, and other religions.
      2. You don't have to master them, just be familiar with them.
5. And don't forget, in your wisdom and grace toward them, pray for them.
   1. They need to be granted the faith that God gives (John 6:28ff)
   2. They need to be granted the repentance that God gives (2 Tim. 2:25).
   3. They need to be granted the belief that God gives (Phil. 1:29).
   4. You can make a difference in your prayers (James 5:16).
      1. A...The effective, fervent prayer of a righteous man avails much."

Conclusion

So what difference do these verses make in your lives? Plenty. Your conduct and speech before an unbeliever is vitally important. Your conduct should be with wisdom, your speech with grace.

I know a Christian who years ago worked with an unbeliever. For two years, this Christian answered the unbeliever's questions; he was gentle and kind in his conduct in all situations and always tried to point his friend to Christ. He sought to be wise and gracious. Today that unbeliever has become a pastor. The Lord used that Christian, his wise conduct, his gracious speech, to help bring another into His kingdom. To Jesus be the glory. Amen.

Dear Church, Here’s Why People Are Really Leaving You

A hard, honest look at why people are really walking away from church.

Being on the other side of the Exodus sucks, don’t it?

I see the panic on your face, Church.

I know the internal terror as you see the statistics and hear the stories and scan the exit polls.

I see you desperately scrambling to do damage control for the fence-sitters, and manufacture passion from the shrinking faithful, and I want to help you.

You may think you know why people are leaving you, but I’m not sure you do.

You think it’s because “the culture” is so lost, so perverse, so beyond help that they are all walking away.

You believe that they’ve turned a deaf ear to the voice of God; chasing money, and sex, and material things.

You think that the gays and the Muslims and the Atheists and the pop stars have so screwed up the morality of the world that everyone is abandoning faith in droves.

But those aren’t the reasons people are leaving you.

They aren’t the problem, Church.

You are the problem.

Let me elaborate in five ways …

1. Your Sunday productions have worn thin.

The stage, and the lights, and the bands, and the video screens, have all just become white noise to those really seeking to encounter God. They’re ear and eye candy for an hour, but they have so little relevance in people’s daily lives that more and more of them are taking a pass.

Yeah, the songs are cool and the show is great, but ultimately Sunday morning isn’t really making a difference on Tuesday afternoon or Thursday evening, when people are wrestling with the awkward, messy, painful stuff in the trenches of life; the places where rock shows don’t help.

We can be entertained anywhere. Until you can give us something more than a Christian-themed performance piece—something that allows us space and breath and conversation and relationship—many of us are going to sleep in and stay away.

2. You speak in a foreign tongue.

Church, you talk and talk and talk, but you do so using a dead language. You’re holding onto dusty words that have no resonance in people’s ears, not realizing that just saying those words louder isn’t the answer. All the religious buzzwords that used to work 20 years ago no longer do.

This spiritualized insider-language may give you some comfort in an outside world that is changing, but that stuff’s just lazy religious shorthand, and it keeps regular people at a distance. They need you to speak in a language that they can understand. There’s a message there worth sharing, but it’s hard to hear above your verbal pyrotechnics.

People don’t need to be dazzled with big, churchy words and about eschatological frameworks and theological systems. Talk to them plainly about love, and joy, and forgiveness, and death, and peace, and God, and they’ll be all ears. Keep up the church-speak, and you’ll be talking to an empty room soon.

3. Your vision can’t see past your building.

The coffee bar, the cushy couches, the high-tech lights, the funky Children’s wing and the uber-cool Teen Center are all top-notch … and costly. In fact, most of your time, money and energy seems to be about luring people to where you are instead of reaching people where they already are.

Rather than simply stepping out into the neighborhoods around you and partnering with the amazing things already happening, and the beautiful stuff God is already doing, you seem content to franchise out your particular brand of Jesus-stuff, and wait for the sinful world to beat down your door.

Your greatest mission field is just a few miles, (or a few feet) off your campus and you don’t even realize it. You wanna reach the people you’re missing?

Leave the building.

4. You choose lousy battles.

We know you like to fight, Church. That’s obvious.

When you want to, you can go to war with the best of them. The problem is, your battles are too darn small. Fast food protests, hobby store outrage and duck-calling Reality TV show campaigns may manufacture some urgency and Twitter activity on the inside for the already-convinced, but they’re paper tigers to people out here with bloody boots on the ground.

Every day we see a world suffocated by poverty, and racism, and violence, and bigotry, and hunger; and in the face of that stuff, you get awfully, frighteningly quiet. We wish you were as courageous in those fights, because then we’d feel like coming alongside you; then we’d feel like going to war with you.

Church, we need you to stop being warmongers with the trivial and pacifists in the face of the terrible.

5. Your love doesn’t look like love.

Love seems to be a pretty big deal to you, but we’re not getting that when the rubber meets the road. In fact, more and more, your brand of love seems incredibly selective and decidedly narrow; filtering out all the spiritual riff-raff, which sadly includes far too many of us.

It feels like a big bait-and-switch sucker-deal; advertising a “Come as You Are” party, but letting us know once we’re in the door that we can’t really come as we are. We see a Jesus in the Bible who hung out with lowlifes and prostitutes and outcasts, and loved them right there, but that doesn’t seem to be your cup of tea.

Church, can you love us if we don’t check all the doctrinal boxes and don’t have our theology all figured out? It doesn’t seem so.

Can you love us if we cuss and drink and get tattoos, and God forbid, vote Democrat? We’re doubtful.

Can you love us if we’re not sure how we define love, and marriage, and Heaven, and Hell? It sure doesn’t feel that way.

From what we know about Jesus, we think he looks like love. The unfortunate thing is, you don’t look much like him.

That’s part of the reason people are leaving you, Church.

These words may get you really, really angry, and you may want to jump in a knee-jerk move to defend yourself or attack these positions line-by-line, but we hope that you won’t.

We hope that you’ll just sit in stillness with these words for a while, because whether you believe they’re right or wrong, they’re real to us, and that’s the whole point.

We’re the ones walking away.

We want to matter to you.

We want you to hear us before you debate us.

Show us that your love and your God are real.

Church, give us a reason to stay.

It’s not you, it’s me.

That’s what you seem to be saying, Church.

I tried to share my heart with you; the heart of me and thousands and thousands of people like me who are walking away, to let you know of the damage you’re doing and the painful legacy you’re leaving, and apparently, you’re not the problem.

(Which, of course, is still a problem).

I’ve relayed my frustration with your insider, religious rhetoric, and you responded by cut-and-pasting random Scripture soundbytes about the “Bride of Christ” and the “blood of the Lamb,” insisting that the real issue is simply my “biblical ignorance,” and suggesting that I just need to repent and get a good Concordance (whatever that is).

I let you know how judged and ridiculed I feel when I’m with you, how much like a hopeless, failing outsider I feel on the periphery of your often inward, judgmental communities, and you proceeded to tell me how “lost” I am, how hopelessly “in love with my sin” I must be to leave you, reminding me that I never really belonged with you anyway.

In the face of every complaint and every grievance, you’ve made it clear that the real issue is that I’m either sinful, heretical, immoral, foolish, unenlightened, selfish, consumerist or ignorant.

Heck, many days I’m not even sure I disagree with you.

Maybe you’re right, Church.

Maybe I am the problem.

Maybe it is me, but me is all I’m capable of being right now, and that’s where I was really hoping you would meet me.

It’s here, in my flawed, screwed-up, wounded, shell-shocked, doubting, disillusioned me-ness that I’ve been waiting for you to step in with this whole supposedly relentless, audacious “love of Jesus” thing I hear so much about, and make it real.

Church, I know how much you despise the word Tolerance, but right now, I really need you to tolerate me; to tolerate those of us who, for all sorts of reasons you may feel aren’t justified, are struggling to stay.

We’re so weary of feeling like nothing more than a religious agenda; an argument to win, a point to make, a cause to defend, a soul to save.

We want to be more than a notch on your Salvation belt; another number to pad your Twitter posts and end-of-year stat sheets.

We need to be more than altar call props, who are applauded and high-fived down the aisle, and then forgotten once the song ends.

We’ve been praying for you to stop evangelizing us, and preaching at us, and fighting us, and judging us, and sin-diagnosing us, long enough to simply hear us …

… even if we are the problem.

Even if we are the woman in adultery, or the doubting follower, or the rebellious prodigal, or the demon-riddled young man, we can’t be anything else right now in this moment; and in this moment, we need a Church big enough, and tough enough, and loving enough; not just for us as we might one day be then, but for us as we are, now.

We still believe that God is big enough, and tough enough, and loving enough, even if you won’t be, and that’s why even if we do walk away, it doesn’t mean we’re walking away from faith; it’s just that faith right now seems more reachable elsewhere.

I know you’ll argue that you’re doing all these things and saying all these things because you love and care for us, but from the shoes we’re standing in, you need to know that it feels less like love and care, and more like space and silence:

If someone is frustrated, telling them that they’re wrong to be frustrated is, well, pretty freakin’ frustrating.

It only breeds distance.

If someone shares that their heart is hurting, they don’t want to hear that they’re not right to be hurt.

It’s a conversation-stopper.

If someone tells you they are starving for compassion, and relationship, and authenticity, the last thing they need is to be corrected for that hunger.

It’s a kick in the rear on the way out the door.

So yes, Church, even if you’re right, even if we’re totally wrong—even if we’re all petty, and self-centered, and hypocritical, and critical, and (I’ll say it), “sinful”—we’re still the ones searching for a place where we can be known and belong; a place where it feels like God lives, and you’re the ones who can show it to us.

Even if the problem is me, it’s me who you’re supposed to be reaching, Church.

So, for the love of God; reach already.

By John Pavlovitz

John Pavlovitz is a pastor/blogger from Wake Forest, North Carolina. An 18-year veteran of local church ministry, he currently writes a blog called Stuff That Needs To Be Said, and in January is launching an online Christian community called The Table.

Trip to Philadelphia

My husband, daughter and I were able to make it into downtown Philadelphia a couple of Saturdays ago and were so blessed by the Lord.  It was a brisk and sunny day for which we were grateful. We gave out around 35-40 survivor bags and were able to pray with many of the recipients.  Some were asleep on a bench or a grassy knoll in the park, so for those we gently lay the bag next to their belongings - a "surprise" when they awoke no doubt.  Many are so very grateful and express their gratitude for the bags while others refuse any help at all - one never knows how each person will react.  God has His plan and we need only obey His will - leaving the results always to Him.

We did have a happy surprise.  Several years ago when we were just starting to go to Philly with this ministry we came across a gentleman by the name of Rinaldo.  I believe he was from Cuba and didn't know much, if any, English.  On this trip my daughter and I happen to go down some stairs to the underground shopping area (part of the subway system) and in the distance it looked like Rinaldo.  We hurried over to the gentleman and said "Rinaldo?" to which he shook his head yes.

Rinaldo in 2012

Unfortunately, due in part to the language barrier and maybe the years on the streets taking its toll, we couldn't get much further in conversation with Rinaldo.  But it was so good to see him and know he is well. Please keep him in your prayers as we will, too.

We did come across a couple of women while there and luckily we had a few bags with pink hats in them.  I often wonder if women living on the streets miss some of the girlie stuff they might have grown up wearing - so maybe a pink hat will put a smile on their face.  Later in the day we happen to walk by one of the women and she was wearing her pink hat!  God always knows and provides. Praise Him!

In closing I want to ask you to pray for the homeless in Philadelphia and all over the world. It is a hard and dangerous life living on the streets.  We are all one or two steps away from that life ourselves - seriously.  Praise God for all He does and for all He provides.  May all the glory go to Him for He alone is worthy.

For You are great and do wondrous deeds; You alone are God.

Psalm 145:3