Are you living for the Lord or for yourself? Perhaps that is too general a
question, so let me be more specific. Is there anything God is asking of you
that you are withholding from Him? Is there any point of contention between you
and Him? Not till every controversy is settled and the Holy Spirit is given His
full place can He reproduce the life of Christ in any believer.
An American friend, now with the Lord, whose name we will call Paul, cherished the hope from his early youth that one day he would be called "Dr. Paul." When he was quite a little chap he began to dream of the day when he would enter the university, and he imagined himself first studying for his M.A. degree and then for his Ph.D. Then at length the glad day would arrive when all would greet him as "Dr. Paul."
The Lord saved him and called him to preach, and before long he became pastor of a large congregation. By that time he had his degree and was studying for his doctorate, but, despite splendid progress in his studies and a good measure of success as a pastor, he was a very dissatisfied man. He was a Christian minister, but his life was not Christ-like; he had the Spirit of God within him, but he did not enjoy the Spirit's presence or experience His power. He thought to himself, "I am a preacher of the Gospel and the pastor of a church. I tell my people they should love the Word of God, but I do not really love it myself. I exhort them to pray, but I myself have little inclination to pray. I tell them to live a holy life, but my own life is not holy. I warn them not to love the world, and, though outwardly I shun it, yet in my heart I myself still love it dearly." In his distress he cried to the Lord to cause him to know the power of the indwelling Spirit, but though he prayed and prayed for months, no answer came. Then he fasted, and asked the Lord to show him any hindrance there might be in his life. That answer was not long in coming, and it was this: "I long that you should know the power of My Spirit, but your heart is set on something that I do not wish you to have. You have yielded to Me all but one thing, and that one thing you are holding to yourself - your Ph.D." Well, to you or me it might be of little consequence whether we were addressed as plain "Mr. Paul" or as "Dr. Paul," but to him it was his very life. He had dreamed of it from childhood, and labored for it all through his youth, and now the thing he prized above all else was almost within his grasp. In two short months it would be his.
So he reasoned with the Lord in this wise: "Is there any harm for me to be a Doctor of Philosophy? Will it not bring much more glory to Your name to have a Dr. Paul preaching the Gospel than a plain Mr. Paul?" But God does not change His mind, and all Mr. Paul's sound reasoning did not alter the Lord's word to him. Every time he prayed about the matter he got the same answer. Then, reasoning having failed, he resorted to bargaining with the Lord. He promised to go here or there, to do this or that, if only the Lord would allow him to have his doctor's degree; but still the Lord did not change. And all the while Mr. Paul was becoming more and more hungry to know the fullness of the Spirit. This state of affairs continued to within two days of his final examination.
It was Saturday, and Mr. Paul settled down to prepare his sermon for the following day, but, study as he would, he could get no message. The ambition of a lifetime was just within reach of realization, but God made it clear that he must choose between the power he could sway through a doctor's degree and the power of God's Spirit swaying his life. That evening he yielded. "Lord," he said, "I am willing to be plain Mr. Paul all my days, but I want to know the power of the Holy Ghost in my life."
He rose from his knees, and wrote a letter to his examiners asking to be excused from the examination on the Monday, and giving his reason. He retired, very happy, but not conscious of any unusual experience. Next morning he told his congregation that for the first time in six years he had no sermon to preach, and explained how it came about. The Lord blessed that testimony more abundantly than any of his well-prepared sermons, and from that time God owned him in an altogether new way. From that day he knew separation from the world, no longer merely as an outward thing but as a deep inward reality, and as a result, the blessedness of the Spirit's presence and power became his daily experience.
God is waiting for a settlement of all our controversies with him. With Mr. Paul it was a question of his doctor's degree, but with us it may be something quite different. Our complete surrender of ourselves to the Lord generally hinges upon some one particular thing, and God waits for that one thing. He must have it, for He must have our all. I was greatly impressed by something a great national leader wrote in his autobiography: "I want nothing for myself; I want everything for my country." If a man can be willing that his country should have everything and he himself nothing, cannot we say to our God: "Lord, I want nothing for myself; I want all for You. I will what You will, and I want to have nothing outside Your will." Not until we take the place of a servant can He take His place as Lord. He is not calling us to devote ourselves to His cause; He is asking us to yield ourselves unconditionally to His will. Are you prepared for that?
Watchman Nee, The Normal Christian Life
An American friend, now with the Lord, whose name we will call Paul, cherished the hope from his early youth that one day he would be called "Dr. Paul." When he was quite a little chap he began to dream of the day when he would enter the university, and he imagined himself first studying for his M.A. degree and then for his Ph.D. Then at length the glad day would arrive when all would greet him as "Dr. Paul."
The Lord saved him and called him to preach, and before long he became pastor of a large congregation. By that time he had his degree and was studying for his doctorate, but, despite splendid progress in his studies and a good measure of success as a pastor, he was a very dissatisfied man. He was a Christian minister, but his life was not Christ-like; he had the Spirit of God within him, but he did not enjoy the Spirit's presence or experience His power. He thought to himself, "I am a preacher of the Gospel and the pastor of a church. I tell my people they should love the Word of God, but I do not really love it myself. I exhort them to pray, but I myself have little inclination to pray. I tell them to live a holy life, but my own life is not holy. I warn them not to love the world, and, though outwardly I shun it, yet in my heart I myself still love it dearly." In his distress he cried to the Lord to cause him to know the power of the indwelling Spirit, but though he prayed and prayed for months, no answer came. Then he fasted, and asked the Lord to show him any hindrance there might be in his life. That answer was not long in coming, and it was this: "I long that you should know the power of My Spirit, but your heart is set on something that I do not wish you to have. You have yielded to Me all but one thing, and that one thing you are holding to yourself - your Ph.D." Well, to you or me it might be of little consequence whether we were addressed as plain "Mr. Paul" or as "Dr. Paul," but to him it was his very life. He had dreamed of it from childhood, and labored for it all through his youth, and now the thing he prized above all else was almost within his grasp. In two short months it would be his.
So he reasoned with the Lord in this wise: "Is there any harm for me to be a Doctor of Philosophy? Will it not bring much more glory to Your name to have a Dr. Paul preaching the Gospel than a plain Mr. Paul?" But God does not change His mind, and all Mr. Paul's sound reasoning did not alter the Lord's word to him. Every time he prayed about the matter he got the same answer. Then, reasoning having failed, he resorted to bargaining with the Lord. He promised to go here or there, to do this or that, if only the Lord would allow him to have his doctor's degree; but still the Lord did not change. And all the while Mr. Paul was becoming more and more hungry to know the fullness of the Spirit. This state of affairs continued to within two days of his final examination.
It was Saturday, and Mr. Paul settled down to prepare his sermon for the following day, but, study as he would, he could get no message. The ambition of a lifetime was just within reach of realization, but God made it clear that he must choose between the power he could sway through a doctor's degree and the power of God's Spirit swaying his life. That evening he yielded. "Lord," he said, "I am willing to be plain Mr. Paul all my days, but I want to know the power of the Holy Ghost in my life."
He rose from his knees, and wrote a letter to his examiners asking to be excused from the examination on the Monday, and giving his reason. He retired, very happy, but not conscious of any unusual experience. Next morning he told his congregation that for the first time in six years he had no sermon to preach, and explained how it came about. The Lord blessed that testimony more abundantly than any of his well-prepared sermons, and from that time God owned him in an altogether new way. From that day he knew separation from the world, no longer merely as an outward thing but as a deep inward reality, and as a result, the blessedness of the Spirit's presence and power became his daily experience.
God is waiting for a settlement of all our controversies with him. With Mr. Paul it was a question of his doctor's degree, but with us it may be something quite different. Our complete surrender of ourselves to the Lord generally hinges upon some one particular thing, and God waits for that one thing. He must have it, for He must have our all. I was greatly impressed by something a great national leader wrote in his autobiography: "I want nothing for myself; I want everything for my country." If a man can be willing that his country should have everything and he himself nothing, cannot we say to our God: "Lord, I want nothing for myself; I want all for You. I will what You will, and I want to have nothing outside Your will." Not until we take the place of a servant can He take His place as Lord. He is not calling us to devote ourselves to His cause; He is asking us to yield ourselves unconditionally to His will. Are you prepared for that?
Watchman Nee, The Normal Christian Life
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